Hey guys, welcome back to the Conspiracy Podcast. What up my people, we’re here again, it’s us. So I hope you guys are doing well. Tuesday, happy Tuesday, living your best lives, you know, being good, questioning everything. Yes, testing. A little poll for you guys: would you buy some merch if it said “question everything”?

Actually, you know what, I was doing some research on the slogan “question everything” and you know who owns it? Well, who doesn’t own it, but it’s like their thing. I thought we did, but it’s Flat Earth. Oh, God damn it, Flat Earth Society. I don’t think we can go with that, we’re changing it, sorry. Question most things. Question total. Just do it in Spanish. Yeah, we should. God damn Flat Earth.

So tonight we have an episode, it’s about crop circles. Yeah, this was hot back in the day, like a hot topic at a certain time. It was the thing. Wild, it was weird. They made a movie about it, Signs. Oh yeah, great movie. Actually, what’s amazing is some of them are beautiful. Oh yeah, really, like we’re going to put up some photos. This is a real photo episode because there’s beautiful works of art, actually, circles and all the stuff. It’s really cool. So we’re going to go into a little bit of the history of it first and then we’ll kind of determine, you know, how we do.

I mean, it’s like episode 70-something, you guys pretty much know what we do. If you don’t, then, unless this is your first episode, go back to like episode one, start from the beginning. Episode 12, I think, we got better equipment then, the early ones are a little dark. Oh, Titanic, I love it, I love the Titanic. One that I just think didn’t get a lot of cred was the Shakespeare one. It was so short, it was 28 minutes, but I really like that episode. Maybe we should redo it, from the beginning, digitally remastered, we’ll redo it for the Patreon. Good idea.

So crop circles, also referred to as crop formations or corn circles, are intricate patterns formed by the flattening of crops, primarily cereals, coined by Colin Andrews in the early 80s. These formations spark debates regarding the origins. Sorry, you said primarily cereals, like barley? Yeah, that’s what I thought you meant, but I just wanted to clarify. So while some fringe theorists, which I guess, yeah, that’s us, fringe, are we fringe theorists? Oh, we’re definitely on the fringe. They suggest obscure natural or extraterrestrial causes, there is a consensus among scientists that all crop circles are consistent with human causation. Despite scientific study, the number of reported crop circles have significantly increased since the 70s.

Okay, so you have the scientific community saying this is just humans being idiots, drinking on the back of the truck. But like, why? They’re like, hey, you know the thing, this thing that makes us money, let’s just not make money off it. You know what’s going to put us on the map? Make art so we can sell more corn. Like, I want that corn lit, put us on the map, it’s like a marketing scheme.

So these formations are not randomly distributed across landscapes. Instead, they tend to appear near roads or populated areas and cultural landmarks such as Stonehenge or Avebury in the United Kingdom. In 91, hoaxers known as Doug Bower and Dave Chorley claimed responsibility for a majority of them. Just like everyone claimed responsibility for being DB Cooper. That’s true, that’s right. Typically crop circles are formed overnight, although there are reports of daytime appearances. They differ from archaeological crop marks, which remain consistent in location over time. Notably, almost half of all crop circles found in the UK in 2003 were situated within a 15-mile radius. Oh wow, interesting. Kilometer, sorry. So it’s like 12 miles or something, whatever that is, 15 km.

That actually probably is my favorite Britishism, the “in it.” There’s this show on Netflix that I started watching called Top Boy, and it’s like hood gang stuff, UK. “In it” is like the number one, they must say it like a drinking game, they say it so many times. We have gotten a lot of comments from our UK listeners about our lack of ability to do a British accent. Yeah, we do have a lot of you guys out there. Teach us, tell me the ways. In it, in it, Governor, right right right, Cheerio, no right right, terrible, you piece of, stupid son. You’re so bad at it, you’re terrible. They’re going to cancel Patreon immediately, I’ll take my two dollars back now.

Actually, a fun thing is listening to British people do American accents. A lot of what they probably think about yours: hey now cowboy, go down to the old water. But if you look at all the British actors, they do such a perfect American accent, and then they do interviews and you’re like, wait, they’re British. It’s so bizarre. I didn’t know Christian Bale was British for years. He’s from Hartford, West, United Kingdom. And he goes, you know, I was doing Batman, and you never sound like that, he does not sound like that at all. He sounds like aristocracy British, very soft spoken. He’s not like the guy at the football game. They watch US television all the time, so they’re constantly exposed to the US accent, whereas for us we’re not watching BBC, so we’re not really exposed to that accent all the time. Anyways, crop circles, in it, in it. This episode’s out of control.

The 1678 news pamphlet The Mowing Devil, or Strange News out of Hartfordshire, is considered by some crop circle enthusiasts to be the earliest depiction of a crop circle. However, crop circle researcher Jim Schnabel disputes its historical significance because it described the stalks as being cut rather than bent. Yeah, that’s the main thing, the bent. So in 1686, English naturalist Robert Plot reported rings or arcs of mushrooms, also known as fairy rings, in The Natural History of Staffordshire. He proposed that air flows from the sky could be the cause of these formations. Meteorologist Terence Meaden linked Plot’s report with modern crop circles in 91, drawing comparisons to claims made by Erich von Daniken.

Additionally, in 1880, in a letter to the editor of Nature, amateur scientist John Rand Capron described several circles of flattening crops in a field. He suggested that these formations may have been caused by cyclonic wind action, detailing the characteristics of the circular spots and the arrangement of stalks. But this is so long ago, this is the crazy part, this is 1880. Imagine a twister coming down, but it wouldn’t be perfect, it would be ripped up and launched super random. A cyclone doesn’t come down and hit something and go back up, it moves, and there’s like a path.

So based on available data and reports from researchers and organizations that track crop circle activity, it’s reasonable to estimate that tens of thousands of crop circles have been documented worldwide. There’s even a website about this. The website is cropcircleconnector.com. Love it, what a solid name. In the Britney Murphy episode, when we said when there’s too many things, too many coincidences, it becomes, it’s not a coincidence anymore. Tens of thousands of crop circles, I mean, come on, it’s got to be a thing. It’s also made in 1988, WordPress, a piece of junk.

Here’s what I don’t understand. If it’s just all a hoax for 100 years, since the 1800s, what happens? Do you like, we get together, we get on the back of a truck, we go down in the corn, we got some Millers, we’re 14 deep, and then we go, hey Sean, it’d be wild if you did a crazy work of art in this field right now with the corn. But my thing is, how do they make them perfect? How can you see that it’s going to be a perfect circle unless you have aerial footage, sort of like a drone? You can’t know that it’s going to be a circle. Have you seen some of these photos? They’re amazing, they’re crazy. I couldn’t draw that on paper, let alone in corn.

So here are a couple of stories, and these are sightings, things that happened, the famous ones. In 1932, archaeologist E.C. Curwen observed dark rings in a field at Stoughton Down near Chichester, suggesting a circular pattern where the barley was flattened. 1963, Patrick Moore described a crater in a potato field in Wiltshire, possibly caused by a meteoric body, with nearby wheat fields showing circular and elliptical areas of flattened wheat, suggesting air current from the impact. So like an asteroid or meteor hit.

During the 1960s, reports of UFO sightings and circular formations increased, including incidents in Tully, Australia and Canada, such as the 1966 Tully saucer nest. And that was basically, imagine in a field, the perfect shape of a saucer landing. A nest in the saucer. We brought it up earlier, but British pranksters Doug Bower and Dave Chorley claimed to have started creating crop circles in British cornfields in 78, and they were inspired by this saucer nest that was earlier. So they didn’t take credit for that one.

My thing is also, who has the funds to do that? Like, oh hey, let’s go Tuesday night, let’s go make a crop circle, I got better stuff to do. Not when you live out there, that’s a really good point. Now that you say that, you’re like, you guys want to make some crop circles Friday night? But it’s in Britain, so Friday night, in it, Fray night, you want to do a crop circle, get out dude, we’re going to get so much. Americans are cow tipping and they’re crop circling over there.

So Bower and Chorley admitted in 91 that they did it in the 70s and 80s, all the way, it was like a double decade. Well, allegedly, they’re taking credit. The problem: by 91 it’s estimated that there were 10,000 reports of crop circles. These guys do not have the capabilities. What they’re saying is they created a worldwide phenomenon. This is total nonsense. I mean, I created TikTok, I created a worldwide thing. My name’s ByteDance, it’s my stage name, trust me on this one.

So despite concerns from farmers about crop damage, local response to crop circles has included enthusiasm, leading to increased tourism to the crop circles and to the farming community. So if you have 10,000 of them and then all of a sudden now you have people coming, and you’re like, hey, here’s a water for 4.99 pounds. And then all of a sudden, tourism, hustle the tourist. It’s very similar to Loch Ness, but tourism only makes money when there’s hotels, and there’s no hotels in the middle of farm country. It’s a bed and breakfast, a little Airbnb, we have a proper English breakfast here for you, which is blood sausage and hash browns. It’s not bad, I’m not mad about it. And beans, they always serve beans for breakfast, I never understood that.

Maybe the podcast needs to fly over there, do a little research. Could you imagine doing an episode within a crop circle? It’s up to you, the listeners, make this possible. First of all, we’d have to find a crop circle, that might take a long time. 10,000 in the world, that was 30 years ago, so now there’s 100,000. I have not seen one news thing about a crop circle. I bet we could find an eBay machine to make a crop circle, just like a board and a mechanical stencil. Honestly, we should make a rap video. I would love to see Eric rapping at the crop circle. If you guys would love to see that, back us up, join Patreon. I might upgrade my Patreon to the rich guy to see that.

So we’re going to talk a little bit about the 91 revelation, the confession. The revelation shook the world of crop circles because it revealed from Doug Bower and Dave Chorley that they were pranksters. They claimed responsibility for igniting the phenomenon in 78, and they said they were armed with nothing more than simple tools: a plank of wood, a length of rope, and a baseball cap modified with a loop of wire to aid their straight line walking. And they confessed to crafting the patterns that had baffled the world.

I don’t think these two guys are like geometry majors, this is not happening. A baseball cap with a length of wire to make a straight line, get out of here. And first of all, they weren’t straight lines or circles. So here’s the concept: you have two people and a plank of wood, and the wood is at your feet, and then you have a rope tied to those planks, and a wire to keep you straight on a path. But you don’t go straight to make a circle. No, but I mean keep you centered. And the idea is that you’re pushing, you’re pushing it down, and then you create this thing. But some of those crop circles, it’s not just one circle, it’s like there’s multiple and they’re across a large space, like half a football field. I can’t see two homies being like, okay, we’re going to put another one right over there.

Their confession came with a twist. To validate the claim, they said that they would demonstrate it. So a cereologist, a staunch advocate of paranormal explanations for crop circles named Pat Delgado, examined their creation and swiftly deemed it to be authentic. So he did it with the guy. He’s like, check me out, bro. And he was only left to be red-faced when the truth emerged, and he concluded that it was a hoax. First of all, what is a cereologist? Someone who studies crop circles, especially one who believes that they’re not man-made or formed by other terrestrial process. He’s like one of 18 cereologists on Earth. Can I ask you an honest question, how do we become an “ologist” of anything? A conspiracist, conspiracist. I think you have to, there’s probably some sort of educational requirement, there’s probably a form to fill out.

So inspired by tales of Australian crop circle encounters back in 66, Bower and Chorley boldly asserted responsibility for every circle that has ever been crafted since 1987. That’s a little much. They could travel different countries, I guess not. Their revelation didn’t snuff out the entire phenomenon, instead it fueled its evolution. As Richard Taylor of the University of Oregon mused in Physics World, the pictographs they conjured ignited a second wave of crop artists. Far from fading into obscurity, crop circles then bolstered into an international sensation, with hundreds and thousands more materializing across the globe. So they’re saying we’re responsible for the beginning of them, and then it sparked people being like, oh, I can make my own crop circles, and then they started becoming elaborate, artistic.

I guess I could see it, because my main thing was, well, how does it happen and no one knows what’s happening? But I guess if you own a thousand acres, there’s nobody who’s ever going on your property, so you can just do it and then you can call the news. So crop circles then evolved from simple designs in the 70s to artworks and commercial endeavors in the 21st century. They’re called the Circlemakers, founded in the early 1990s, and they created like Led Zeppelin crop circles. It’s like Banksy but for plants. In 2017, a father and son created the Star Wars Rebel Alliance emblem, that’s pretty cool. So they started to create all these cool designs, they just started going wild.

The more we talk about it, I’m like, man, doesn’t seem like you’d have to have that advanced technology to bend some corn, it’s a board. Sean’s going to go home tomorrow and do one in his front yard, one with the sand in my front yard, a sand castle in my front yard. You went in the golf course in front of your house, that’s a great idea, I should do that. They’re like, I’m going to piss on this. In the year 2000, Matthew Williams became the first man in the UK to be arrested for causing criminal damage after making a crop circle. In November 2000 he broke into somebody’s property, and he was fined 100 pounds.

The scientific consensus on crop circles is that they are constructed by human beings as advertising or art, and that they are in themselves hoaxes. But the other side of that coin is that they are alien in origin, and there’s no way that we could have done it. I mean, there’s definitely a way. It’d be different if they were doing circles on the side of a mountain, then I’d be like, okay, now we’re on to something, now I’m like, why didn’t they do that? Even now, some companies pay to have crop circles done. It’s like an advertising emblem, but no one can see the emblem, you got to get a plane, you’re flying over, Google Earth. But you know what, I was doing a little research on this one, and I never saw any corporate logo. Everything looked like super intricate, weird circle pattern things. But we’ll keep going.

Here are some of the theories. Weather. No, zero, stop talking, the answer is no, it’s a 0% chance. It has been suggested. You would be a flat earther before this, 100%. The weather isn’t making perfect circles. Let’s hear it out for a second. It has been suggested that crop circles may be the result of extraordinary meteorological phenomena, ranging from freak tornadoes to ball lightning, which is really weird. Have you seen the ball lightning? It’s wild. It’s literally these little electrical ball phenomena that happen, balls of energy, like a little ball of lightning. You’ve never seen it? You should Google it, it’s weird, super weird, it’s like, how is this possible. But there’s no evidence of any crop circle being created by any of these causes.

Could you imagine a tornado coming in doing a perfect circle, and it pops up and it moves over to the Star Wars emblem? And the thing is, some of these are perfect circles, and even then inside of those there’s like these triangles and super intricate symbols inside of them. So in 1880, an amateur scientist, John Rand Capron, wrote a letter to the editor of the journal Nature about some circles in crops and blamed them on recent storms, saying their shape was suggestive of cyclonic wind action. I guess those are circles. Then in 1980, Terence Meaden, a meteorologist and physicist, proposed that circles were caused by whirlwinds whose course was affected by Southern England hills. And then as the circles became more complex, Terence had to create increasingly complex theories. You see him making stuff up as he explains it. Trust me, trust me, here’s what’s happening, it’s completely explainable.

It’s almost like the Flat Earth thing, they’re like, well, the test failed, the equipment’s faulty, find some problem. He pretty much was suggesting increasingly complex theories. He was blaming electromagnetic, hydrodynamic, plasma vortex. This guy’s just making it up. Electromagnetic hydrodynamic plasma vortex, a big vortex creating a flower. So it’s electromagnetic and hydrodynamic, like water dynamics, and then plasma, get out of here. So the meteorological theory became popular, and it was even referenced in 1991 by physicist Stephen Hawking, who said that corn circles are either hoaxes or formed by vortex movement of air. The weather theory suffered a serious blow in 1991, but Hawking’s point about hoaxes was supported when Bower and Chorley stated that they had been responsible for making all those circles. I’m kind of getting sucked into the hoax side here. So by the end of 1991, Meaden conceded that those circles that had complex designs were made by hoaxers.

So pretty much everyone’s like, the weather thing, the hoaxers, so obvious. So this whole thing just died down in the 90s. That’s what I’m saying, nobody’s seen anything about it, it got debunked and people kind of moved on. As the hashtags died down. It makes sense, like, why would an alien civilization come down and just be like, let’s see the crops, oh look at that, they’re making corn here, let’s stamp that. Four times that they came down, and they’re like, let’s make 10,000 of these. Well, you said it. It’s a tit-for-tat thing. What are we talking about here, this is a burner episode, this episode’s already gone off the rails. I’m pretty much reading the episode now. So wait to the end, we’re going to hit you with the twist.

So then we go into the paranormal side. Since becoming the focus of widespread media attention in the 1980s, crop circles have become the subject of speculation by various paranormal, ufological, and anomalistic investigators. Good word, anomalistic, anomaly. This would have taken Eric 17 years. And this is why we get those comments like, you guys are funny, oh you guys just talking about doing jokes, I’m so sick of the toxic male jokery. Anyways, sorry, it’s late. So ranging from proposals that they were created by bizarre meteorological phenomena to messages from extraterrestrial beings, there’s also been speculation that crop circles have a relation to ley lines.

What’s a ley line? A ley line is a straight alignment drawn between various historic structures, prehistoric sites, and prominent landmarks. Like from pyramid to pyramid. Their ley lines came to be conceived as lines of power, the path of some form of spiritual force or energy accessible to our ancient ancestors but now lost to narrow-minded 20th century scientists. Narrow-minded, this is from Wiki, that was a definition and they used the word narrow-minded. So idiots. I like the line thing. It was like the worker path from their bungalows to the pyramid. Think of it like a gated condominium. They had like a GPS for our ancient ancestors. I think Jorge is on the path of being an ologist here, a ley line ologist.

So some paranormal advocates think that crop circles are caused by ball lightning, and that the patterns are so complex that they have to be controlled by some entity. Some proposed entities are Gaia, which is like Mother Earth, in essence asking to stop global warming and human population, God, supernatural beings, for example Indian devas, the collective mind of humanity through a proposed quantum field. Damn, they’re getting super deep. This is almost like when we did Skinwalker, dimensional portals, why, because you think someone’s looking at you. And then obviously extraterrestrial beings.

So responding to local beliefs that extraterrestrial beings and UFOs were responsible for crop circles appearing, the Indonesian National Institute of Aeronautics and Space, LAPAN, described crop circles as man-made. Thomas Djamaluddin, the research professor of astronomy and astrophysics at LAPAN, stated, we have come to agree that this thing cannot be scientifically proven. Among others, paranormal enthusiasts, ufologists, and anomalistic investigators have offered hypothetical explanations that have been criticized as pseudoscientific by skeptical groups and scientists, including the Committee of Skeptical Inquiry. There’s a Committee of Skeptical Inquiry? It sounds very Harry Potter. I would love to be the Chief Inquirer of the Committee of Skeptical Inquiry. Definitely up Eric’s alley, he’s Chief Skeptic number one. We should change your Discord thing to Chief Skeptic, good little t-shirt too.

So no credible evidence of extraterrestrial origin has been presented. Another one is animal activity. So in 2009, the attorney general for the island state of Tasmania stated that Australian wallabies have been found creating crop circles in fields of opium poppies, because they’re high. I have heard of this. Give me an Australian accent, go. G’day mate, oh wow, premium, I thought you were somebody else, that’s what I’m talking about. So that’s not animals, the high wallabies. Wait, is there a possibility it’s an animal? There’s always a possibility of anything, but 10,000 of them, and they’re so perfect, that’s the thing, it can’t be. There would be paths, especially with so many animals you’d see paths, it’s not like one wallaby. One artistic wallaby, he’s like, I’m so messed up on all these poppies, tapped into his artistic skills, my third eye’s open right now trying to make one. He’s Outcast. Look at this guy, Jeff over there in the cornfields again.

So there’s also changes to crops. A small number of scientists found differences between the crops inside the circles and outside of them, citing that this is evidence that they were not man-made, published in papers in the Journal of Physiologia Plantarum in 1994 and 1999. In the 1994 paper, he found that certain different formations in the grain inside the circles were correlated to the position of the grain inside the circle. This is madness. This episode is the probably our worst, but we’re going to finish it. It might be good for editing, let’s see how editing works out, might really make Eric look like a genius. Eric’s just going to dub his voice over, he’s like, see, I can read, just let the AI do it. So tired. ChatGPT, make me a podcast.

I’m so sorry guys, you know, we can’t have like 20 bangers, it’s like one messed up. All the stories are not great. They’re really not great, these are terrible. It’s pretty much these guys did studies and the plants, the crops are different, and there’s different bugs on them, so it’s impossible. So there’s a million little ants and they’re making a perfect circle? No, they’re not saying that. They’re saying that since the crops are different inside the circles than outside the circles, it couldn’t have been done by man. So there’s differences, and that’s their explanation.

So next is magnetism. Unbelievable, it’s out of control. I don’t even know, like iron deposits in the corn, it’s like a dude with a magnet. There’s Soviet treasure down here. So in 2000, Colin Andrews, who had researched crop circles for 17 years, stated that while he believed 80% were man-made, he thought the remaining circles with less elaborate designs could be explained by a 3-degree shift in the Earth’s magnetic field that creates a current that electrocutes the crops, causing them to flatten and form a circle. This is weirdly enough probably the most reasonable explanation here, because obviously the axis of the Earth is slowly changing and the magnetic field is affected by that. The field is pushed out by the poles and it creates the field. So this is actually the most legit out of all this. I’m on board with the magnetism there, it just sounds the most legit. I don’t know how magnets affect plants, but the magnetic field, I don’t know, maybe.

Next is folklore. It’s a Blair Witch. So researchers of crop circles have linked modern crop circles to old folkloric tales to support the claim that they are not artificially produced. Crop circles are culture-dependent, they appear mostly in developed and secularized Western countries where people are receptive to New Age beliefs, including Japan, but they do not appear at all in other zones such as Muslim countries. I mean, do Muslim countries have corn? Do they grow corn there in the desert? I’m 70% sure, I’m not talking nonsense, I just don’t know, it just sounds like they wouldn’t. Do Arabic countries grow corn? Was corn grown in the ancient Middle East? There was no corn in the ancient Middle East. What about the current Middle East? Yeah, tons. Okay, shut up. Anyways.

So fungi can cause circular areas of crop to die, weird, probably the origin of tales of fairy rings, which we talked about earlier. Tales also mentioned balls of light many times, but never in relation to crop circles. So the ball lightning thing, but the thing is, creating crop circles, I’d like to watch that. So a 17th century woodcut called The Mowing Devil depicts the Devil with a scythe mowing a circular design in a field of oats. The pamphlet containing the image states that the farmer, disgusted at the wage his mower was demanding for his work, insisted that he would rather have the Devil himself perform the work. So crop circle researcher Jim Schnabel does not consider this to be historical precedent for crop circles because the stalks were cut down, not bent.

All right, so yeah, crop circles suck, this is trash. Well, it’s a conspiracy theory that is one of the biggest ones, it’s one of the top 25 of humanity, it’s one of the top 75, it’s like one of the top thousand conspiracies. It’s ranked, I think the People’s Choice Awards put crop circles in the top thousand conspiracies. Why did we do this? We should just make this Patreon, this total nonsense show. Honestly, who’s idea was this? I don’t know, we’re going to have words for this episode, it’s the worst episode we ever did. Who’s in charge of scheduling? Thank God we didn’t video this one.

Here’s what I think. What I think is, a couple of homies did this episode. But number two, I do think that these were made by some aliens at some point. Of all the episodes, of all the ones, this is the one you’re going to go on? I’m not going to look at your face. He’s trying to revive this episode right now, trying to pump some life into this thing. I have heard about this forever, this is one of my top five that I’ve always heard about, Mel Gibson, the whole thing.

So here’s what I think: a couple of these, one, two, three, four, four times in history. Maybe it’s the guys we already talked about, this is almost like a DB Cooper type thing. But I do believe that some of these were made by aliens landing here, making some sort of design, some sort of stamp, like, hey, I was here. And then you got your UK crazy people, like, oh, we can run with this, we could be famous, I heard about this popping off in the US, we could duplicate this over here.

Now that Jorge says that, I’m going to suck it back here, bring it back to life. So you know how, and I actually truly believe this, even though people think Bob Lazar is full of it, Bob Lazar’s thing was that there was a gravity propulsion system to power spacecraft. And to me it makes sense, because what’s the only thing that is known in this universe to be faster than light? Gravity. Because obviously a black hole sucks in light, light can’t escape gravity, therefore gravity is faster than the speed of light because the speed of light can’t escape it. So if you can focus a point of gravity, you can literally just fall infinitely fast.

Are we talking about crop circles? Listen to me. So imagine, like Jorge said, a craft comes here, maybe they didn’t make the crop circles to make a pattern, maybe a ship comes down and some sort of gravity propulsion, it’s an imprint, the gravity itself is just pushing a circle down. So that’s how they bend down, because it’s just gravity, it’s not cutting it, so it just makes a perfect circle, whatever the thing is. And they come down and it pushes the stalks down to create a circle, and they’re like, okay, peace out. And then after that you got some rednecks just looking for something to do, like Friday Saturday night, what are we going to do, oh you know what, we’re going to get a log and a rope.

But to me that actually wouldn’t make sense, because if it’s a really light gravity pulse, they’re kind of floating down and it’s like they all bend over. Sure, I can get behind that. Makes a lot of sense. Sorry, I had to do a little backstory. Okay Eric, so what’s the other side? It doesn’t make sense at all, and it does, it’s totally not even man-made. No, it’s man-made. The weird thing is, I used to be so adamant as a younger kid that crop circles were alien-made, I was 100% adamant. Me too. Now the more I talk about it, I feel like I’m on Jorge’s side, I feel like most of them are man-made, 99% are man-made, inspired by it.

Because when you go back to the 1800s and they see it, they’re like, can you give me some credit? Maybe the whole four thing kind of holds water, because maybe four of them came. Not at all, that’s ridiculous. I cannot wait until we do the pyramid episode. Maybe four landed on cornfields, I don’t know, but the four thing is ridiculous. Well, no one believes that. A lot of people, they laugh because they think absolutely nobody that follows us is behind you on this, there’s not a singular one. I hear from you guys. Zero. I have a lot of supporters. Maybe like four or five. Four, everything is four, it’s all four. He’s got something mental going on with the four. Four aliens, four supporters.

So I think they’re all fake, I think they’re all hoaxes, all of them. So some guy just came up with it first and messed around in the cornfield, drunk, with nothing else, sweating to death, literally nothing else but suspenders. I’m going to do a little tic-tac-toe over here. Why did he do it? Boredom. Nothing else, no TV, no radio. You’re like, majority of what mankind is. That’s a great point. They’re like, let’s blow some stuff up, I wonder what happens if I light this on fire.

There’s no evidence of spacecraft, there’s no evidence of bodies. This is the same thing the Pentagon said, no evidence, and then they came out years later. Why is it not in 4K, why can’t I see the aliens? There’s no report of a fire exhaust or a landing. Because it’s gravity. We don’t know if they can do that. But you would think there would be some sort of propulsion system and some burn. Do you know how long it takes with the burn system to travel to the closest star? If there were aliens who were capable of interstellar travel, they wouldn’t be using the burn system, they’re using a faster form of travel, otherwise it would take them like, cool, in 700 million years we’ll arrive at Earth and then land. It’s like seven steps away from reality. This is like the Beverly Hillbilly aliens, they’re like, it’s like a Buick.

Also, I just had a thought, I think we should be the ones to represent mankind when they come. They’re literally going to just burn everyone, kill everyone. Let me ask a question. So aliens come down, who’s our emissary? I’d love to be the emissary. But who do we elect? Not anyone in government, I would not love that. Definitely not Biden. Who do you elect? Pause. Musk. You’d have to get like a Buddhist or somebody, a calm individual. Like, no hair on my body, oh my God, what are you doing here? Get off my planet. You have reached the best planet ever, what are you offering, all right, let’s strike a deal.

So just in summary, you guys believe that 99% of them are man-made, correct, and then there’s maybe one or two that are real. I think it was inspired, there was a sprinkle of real ones, even if it was 200 years ago, something happened and then people saw it, they got the idea, and they were like, okay, let’s just do this because it’s cool, and they probably didn’t know what it was. I am on board with the 100% fake one. It’s farmer graffiti, it’s like Banksy for 100%, across the world, everybody’s doing it across the planet. So it’s just like an artist thing, or like messing around, even like graffiti on the subway system, it’s boredom, nothing else to do. Okay, fine, there you go guys.

All right, can we end this episode now? What are we at time-wise? 57. Oh god, we’re ending. I’m so sorry guys, we love you so much, thank you so much for tuning in. It’s been a long night. We’re going to see our consumption on this episode, people are going to be like, our highest rated, people love it. I really feel there’s going to be emails coming in, like, I hate you. This is one of the most misunderstood or misinterpreted type of conspiracies out there, so it might be one of our top. We’re going to do a very basic poll, and the poll will be: do you believe crop circles are man-made or made by other sources, or 99% man-made. We should do another poll: did you listen past Eric’s illiteracy or did you not? That was dark. I love you Eric. Do it for the gram. I got to go.