Okay, so if you guys have not listened to part one, this is part two of the Ark of the Covenant. Go back, listen to part one. Please, just do yourself a favor. In part one, we established what the Ark of the Covenant was, what it did, and the moment it vanished from where it traveled. That’s right, historically.

And, you know, maybe we got some things wrong, but I mean, I guarantee we got things wrong. I also just think it’s interesting that, like, what is right, what is wrong? We’ll find out at the end of today. I think it’s interesting that the Bible is considered a historical text, because it’s not, though. I know it’s not, but it’s taken as a historical text, like historical fact. If something is written in it, then it’s therefore become historically factual.

I’m not saying, like, from a religious standpoint if anything’s false or not. That’s not my job. I’m not here to speak on that. But it’s talking about things that happened prior to the writing of the Bible, and it’s taken as fact, because we’re taking a lot of excerpts specifically from the Bible about all these things, but it wasn’t written at that time. It’s taking it from somebody else passing it down. So I just think it’s interesting that we’re citing our sources here, and it’s like the source is the Bible, but the Bible was written far later. So it’s just an interesting factoid. That’s all I’m saying.

It has nothing to do with the religious or spiritual connotation. It’s just only talking about the Ark of the Covenant. Like, for example, if you had a diary, and then in 10,000 years somebody found Jorge’s diary. I did Eagle Scout. I had a Discord channel. Jorge is like, I don’t know why every time I buy ETH it tanks. Like, what’s happening? Jorge is the anti-crypto trader. If you ever see Jorge tweeting, like, buy Ethereum, sell it. Sell that immediately. Short it. Just short it.

All right. Part two. So the Babylonians sacked Jerusalem in 586 BC, looted the temple down to the furniture, wrote meticulous lists of everything they took, and the ark was not in that list. Not a mention, not a rumor, not even a footnote. That silence is the starting point for everything that follows. Was it at least listed or cited that it wasn’t there? No. Oh, that’d be interesting. No mention of Jorge. Interesting. Wow, that was, I would have never thought to ask that question.

Meaning like, I stole 72, and then I got six spoons, and I stole 16 wenches, and then 24 rapes, zero arks. Yeah, you would think, because if we’re able to make the argument that he was so meticulous, obviously he would have said if he got it, because it would have been a big W for him. You think he would have been, like, a little rage, like a little late-night rage, like, this ark. You know, whatever they were drinking back in the hizzy. Like, what are they drinking 3,000 years ago? A little honey wine. I don’t know what the heck. Probably dense wine. It’s barely fermented.

So that silence is the starting point for everything that follows, because once something that important disappears without explanation, every generation after it gets to write their own story, gets to write their own version of the ark. And so for 2,600 years, they have. When did it get noticed that it wasn’t there? 586 BC was the last known sighting. 580 years before even Jesus. That’s true. But my thing is, you take everything you hear with a grain of salt, because we’re hearing one side of the story.

I mean, to the Israelites, they’re like, this is our land, blah blah blah, but to the other side, they’re like, yo, this is our land too. Right. Hence the whole conflict over a land that’s the size of Rhode Island. It’s, like, yo, it’s ours. No, it’s ours. No, it’s ours. And then after World War II, we’re like, yo, it’s theirs. And then they’re like, screw you. And now we have the whole issue with Gaza and the Palestinians and fighting. I don’t know why they’re fighting over such a small piece. It’d be different if you’re fighting over, like, the US. You’re like, yo, what’s mine, dog? I need this.

But it’s such a small piece. I find it interesting from a third-party perspective that this one tiny little piece of land is so important. Like, that lends credence to, like, there’s got to be something important there, because they’re all fighting for it. Why do you think that is? I think it’s religious connotation. But there’s no tangible thing. No, it’s not like there’s giant gold deposits there. Or, like, the ark. They think the ark is in Ethiopia, Africa.

No, I don’t think it’s because of that. I think it’s because they’re both trying to be right. It’s like you’re trying to be right so hard that you’re willing to die for it. And you’ve been brought up as a kid, your parents are teaching you they stole this from us, on both sides. They’re trying to steal our culture. Your entire culture is like they’re trying to screw us over, like, screw them. And then it just leads, and it’s generations of this. So that’s all it is, is generational hate against each other.

Well, what follows are the serious theories. The serious? Why did you just say serious theories? You should have just said the theories. These are the ones grounded in actual historical texts, real archaeological work, and at least a defensible basic chain of logic. So, not like, there’s a few that are a little non-serious, and those deserve to be brought up, and we’re gonna bring them up. Because sometimes the least credible theories are the ones that I’m going for, like, 100 percent. There’s no tangible evidence whatsoever, but I’m into it.

But we’re going to start where most people start. Africa. That’s where most people start as the claim. Oh, okay. I was like, most people start, like, Israel. Africa. I mean, if you did a survey, most people would say, where did the ark end? Most people would say Ethiopia or Africa. It’s wild, because, well, actually, when you technically think about it, if they started in Egypt, which is in Africa, and they went to the Middle East, then, like, why not bring it back? Bring it on back.

So the Ethiopian claim to the ark is not a conspiracy theory. Yes, it is. It is a cornerstone of an entire civilization’s identity, embedded in the national epic, the state religion, and the culture of a country for a thousand years. What? It doesn’t make it true. No, but who’s believing? Ethiopians. Oh, the Ethiopian people are like, yes, the ark is here. So just imagine, if you’re an Ethiopian, for a thousand years they believe it is there. We don’t know where, but it is here.

So they believe that the ark is in Ethiopia. It’s just part of their culture, part of it for a thousand years. I wonder why it’s so deeply rooted. And we’re gonna go over the story, right? Thank you. Okay, good. But, just as a disclaimer, it doesn’t mean it’s true. No, I just want to know why they believe it so hard. Just so we’re all clear. Allegedly, supposedly. It does make it the most fully developed and emotionally live theory.

And so the story begins with King Solomon. Okay, we went over that. And the Queen of Sheba. The Queen of Sheba’s visit to Solomon is mentioned briefly in both the Hebrew Bible and the Quran. Oh, wow. That’s a cross-religion here. She hears of his legendary wisdom and travels to Jerusalem to test him. Test him. The biblical account leaves it there, but the Ethiopian account doesn’t leave it there. Well, she tested him. Got tested.

According to the Kebra Nagast, which was called the Glory of Kings, Ethiopia’s 14th-century national epic and the foundational text of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church, the Queen of Sheba, her name was Makeda, and her meeting with Solomon resulted in a son. He tested, he passed. He passed that test. Got seated. Did. Yeah. So Menelik I, who had become the first emperor of Ethiopia’s Solomonic dynasty. Oh, it was a Solomonic dynasty. Oh, dude. This guy’s pumping out emperors.

So when Menelik came of age, he traveled to Jerusalem to meet his own father. Solomon recognized him as his son. Yeah, my boy. Embraced him and urged him to stay and inherit the throne of Israel. Oh, hell, damn. This guy’s in it. Hell yeah. He refused. Why? He was going back to his mother’s country, and he just came there to meet his father. He’s like, homie, you weren’t there for me, dog. You didn’t raise me.

So Solomon sent him home with an honor guard of a thousand young men from the leading families of Israel, including the firstborn sons of all the priests. And according to the Kebra Nagast, those young men, furious at being exiled from the Holy Land, decided to take something with them. The ark. The Ark of the Covenant. I’ll show you, Solomon. I’m taking the ark with me.

So in the night before they departed, they crept back into the temple, removed the ark from the Holy of Holies, and replaced it with a replica, with a fake. But my thing is, dude is straight Indiana, the sand. No, but my thing is, you’re going to take this thing, but, meanwhile, like, poor guy who’s like, oh, I’m going to save the ark from falling over, gets smoked instantly. Like, literally instantly struck down. These guys are like, screw you, Solomon, steal it. And God’s like, yeah, cool, legit. They’re like, take it. Damn. I wish I inherited some stuff, dude. Oh yeah, man. Not just one kingdom, multiple kingdoms.

Dude, there’s no inherit. I feel like I’ve always, why am I always working? There’s no rest for me in this life. I’m thinking about that. Why am I always working? Man, I could have just been on the come up, like, from birth. No. This is your dynasty, son. It’s not in our story, boys. My mom’s like, you got to work. Like, fuck it.

Do you know anybody who’s inherited a lot of things? Yeah, you do. Have you ever talked to them about it? What’s that like, man? They probably love it. No, they’re probably like, what am I going to do? I was born. Yeah, exactly. I don’t think I know any real big inheritors. I mean, when I lived in Ohio, there’s a place called Indian Hill, which is, like, the ultra rich, like Beverly Hills or something.

I’m telling you, I kid you not. So we would go there, and these are where, like, so Procter and Gamble’s headquarters is in Cincinnati. So it’s where, like, the CEO of Procter and Gamble lives. And I kid you not, literal castles. Just cold castles. It’s land their own size. It’s land, and then literally there’s houses that have guest houses that were bigger than I lived in. I lived in a really good-sized house. Two-story, like, five-bedroom big house on a three-quarter-acre plot of land. It was super nice. They had guest houses that were dwarfing my house. Like a guest house that’s, like, 7,000 square feet. I’m like, what?

And it’s on, like, 12 acres of land, and it’s surrounded by a giant stone wall that’s eight feet tall. That’s the kind of money that was in Indian Hill. And those kids were super dicks. They were, like, oh, you guys want to take daddy’s rolls? They were super dicky. And, you know, I’m not mad at them about it. I’m just saying, like, I don’t have a homie who’s super rich. An inheritor. Yeah. Well, maybe one day. There’s still time. Maybe a listener is, like, a, listen, prove me wrong, brother. Prove me wrong, widow. Like, do you want to come?

Prove me wrong, sister. Look, join the Patreon and DM me. Well, you fly yourself out, because we ain’t got the cash for that. Sean wants to be tested. As long as you’re a woman. I don’t want to be tested by a man. I don’t want Solomon to come test me. Test me.

Okay, so back to this. So they replaced it with a replica in the middle of the night. Easy peasy. By the time anyone realized what had happened, the real ark was already in a caravan heading south towards Africa. The story says that Menelik himself didn’t even know until they were too far to turn back. Oh, no. But he accepted it as God’s will. Well, I guess, I’m already the emperor. Whoopsie daisy. My homie stole it. That’s God’s will.

The ark traveled through Egypt, down the Nile, across the highlands of Ethiopia, and came to rest in the city of Axum, the ancient capital of the Axumite Empire. That’s a fire name, though. I like that. Axum. Axumite. Now, this is where the tradition holds, and it’s said it’s remained there ever since. To this day. So are we taking a trip to Ethiopia, boy? Yeah. I mean, I don’t really want to, but I will.

So here’s the theory, that today it is said to be inside a small, heavily guarded chapel called the Chapel of the Tablet on the grounds of the Church of Our Lady Mary of Zion in Axum. The chapel is not open to the public. It is not open to priests, bishops, or even foreign dignitaries. Who is it open to, then? It is not open to the Ethiopian patriarch. It is guarded by a single monk. Like, why don’t you just go roll up there with a crew and be like, move? And he’s called the Guardian of the Ark. Why only one dude?

He’s chosen for life. He’s not permitted to leave the chapel grounds, and he takes the secret of what he has seen to his grave. How do they pick a new one? Like, hey, buddy, this is your job for the rest of your life. No internet, no IG, no reels, no doom scroll. So there’s an interview with one of the guardians. Really? So Abba Gebre Meskel, who’s a recent guardian, spent 30 years guarding it. Pretty good time. That’s a good tenure.

When he was asked about the ark, he said the following, and I quote: men in the West always need visible evidence. We Ethiopians do not need to see the ark to know it is real. We feel it. Can you feel it? I don’t like that. You don’t like it? It’s also, it’s not open. So you mean to tell me, like, the head of state is like, I want to see it, and one monk’s like, can’t go. I’d be like, move him out of the way. Let me see it.

What year is this that it traveled? Stop asking questions. You got to feel it. Do you feel it? Do you feel the year? Well, it’s King Solomon’s. Okay, so it’s around the same, still the 500s. Yeah, true. 500 BC. And it’s said that it’s been there since. Thousands of years. But you got to have one guard for the most important thing in the universe? No, no, they’ve got a bunch of guards, but it’s only one monk. So here’s the crazy part. Oh, but there’s a military around. Here’s the crazy part. 45 million Ethiopian Orthodox Christians believe it’s there.

Interesting that they’re Orthodox Christians and not Jewish. That’s what I, yeah. But if you went to a service, they would speak about it as it’s over there. Can he, like, see it, though? I wonder if that monk has access, or if he’s just, like, you have a little room, but you don’t have access to the inner sanctum. I don’t know. I’d be interested to know. I’m sure he would tell us. And why a monk?

Well, a monk is a member of a religious community of men who separates himself from worldly life to devote himself entirely to spiritual practice, prayer, and contemplation. They typically live in monasteries under strict vows, such as poverty, chastity, and obedience. Okay, so they don’t have to be Buddhist. So it’s just a dude who fully devotes himself to the cause. He’s an Ethiopian Orthodox Christian monk. He’s just poor, he can’t have good stuff, and he can’t have women, and he’s just going to contemplate. Full dedication. And he is allowed to see it. Oh, man.

Maybe if I get old enough, I’ll be like, I’ll take the reins here, brother. And when he’s near death, he names his successor. I got to get in with this guy. I’ll take over, brother. I’ll take the reins from here. So every Ethiopian Orthodox church in the world contains a replica of the ark, and is kept in the inner sanctum, and is never seen by ordinary worshippers, because the belief is that God’s presence dwells among them as it once dwelt upon or between the cherubim originally.

Just imagine, if this is all real, that it’s still there. Yeah, dude, it’s possible. I mean, it is a pretty sound theory. Yeah, it’s actually not a bad theory. It’s pretty plausible. You know, like, you have the Queen of Sheba comes down, she’s got the seashell braids vibing, and he’s like, damn, girl, what’s popping? I’m Solomon, nice to meet you. And she tests him. He fails. And then he’s like, fuck it, take whatever you want.

Okay, so you ready for some problems? Some holes. I mean, I’ve been pointing out holes for the last two hours. So the problems with the theory are that the Kebra Nagast was written in the 14th century AD, which was 2,000 years after the events. Oh, whoa. That’s the problem. What about the Bible? When was the Bible written? I’m just saying. Hold on, your boy, one second. So the story of the son being born from King Solomon and the queen is not corroborated by the Bible. That story is only in their story.

No, but so when was the Kebra Nagast written? 14th century AD. That’s a long time. Oh, wow, AD. That’s like Columbus coming. Yeah, or Da Vinci. Or, you know. But what was that called, though? The Kebra Nagast. And that was the writings of the Ethiopian scripture, describing the King Solomon encounter with the queen of Ethiopia and the son taking the ark. Okay.

You see what I mean? So I looked it up. The Old Testament was written between 1,400 BCE and the 4th century BC. So, like, 1400 and 400 BC is the Old Testament. The New Testament was written between 50 CE and 100 CE. So it’s only, like, 1,400 years. It’s a small little gap. Small little drops in the bucket. So the story of Menelik, which is the son of Solomon, is not corroborated anywhere in the Hebrew Bible, which is conspicuously silent about Solomon having an Ethiopian son who came to visit.

I mean, you think that maybe it’s a little racy, like they’re like, of course Solomon wouldn’t be with an Ethiopian woman, why would he do that? Like, Middle Eastern only. Why would we be with Africans? Get the heck out of here. He didn’t get tested. Meaning there was no test. There was no test. She was ugly.

So historian Tudor Parfitt, who has spent decades researching the ark, points out that the Ethiopian tradition of the ark’s presence in Axum cannot be traced back further than the Middle Ages. So that provides a bit of a conflict because of the timeline that we had talked about. Yeah, for sure. I just want to say, in another life, I think it’d be super cool to be, like, an old historian. Hell yeah. I think it’d be so awesome to, like, your whole life is dedicated to it. I need more money before I become a historian. We can still do it. Yeah, I will do it.

I’ll be Indiana Jones’s father. I’ll be Sean Connery. Indeed. Sean’ll be the pyramid historian. No, I’ll be like Connery, because Connery boned the hot German chick before Indie did. And he’s like, what? She talks in her sleep. And he’s like, what? How do you know that, Dad?

So there’s also the problem of access, or rather the absence of it. No independent scholar has ever been permitted to examine what is inside the chapel. Understandably so. I mean, you allow someone to see your state secrets? Of course not. There was one Western scholar who claimed to have seen the ark in Axum. His name, Edward Ullendorff, a British officer who entered the church in 1941. And he later clarified that what he saw was a replica.

Oh, because he mentioned that they had replicas. And he never believed that it was the original. Okay. What if it was, though, and they’re just hiding in plain sight? Oh, yeah, it was one of our replicas. Don’t touch it. Or if you touch it, you die. Or they put the real one somewhere, like some version of Fort Knox that they have, and then they just have a replica there for security reasons. I really think it’s, like, a fake-out. Yeah, exactly. But it would be genius to literally just have it sitting in, like, someone’s living room, and they’re like, oh, it’s my cool replica. They’re like, oh, whatever.

Okay, so Graham Hancock, you know him? Yes. No. He’s a bit of a famous journalist. I wouldn’t say, would you call him a historian? No, not necessarily. I mean, journalist, he talks about history a lot. He’s been on Rogan a bunch of times, and he has new views of a lot of historical topics. Specifically, Graham Hancock’s talked a lot about the pyramids. He talks a lot about the history of mankind, and how he believes the timeline of mankind is far off, and that man has actually been around for far longer than history dictates. So he’s a good guy. He’s a cool guy. Yeah, I like him a lot.

He’s got a bunch of shows, and he’s really smart, and he’s, like, super learned, too. Like, he gives a lot more information than we give. He’s much more in depth. So he spent years researching the Ethiopian claim, and he wrote a book in 1992 called The Sign and the Seal, and concluded that the ark had been removed from Jerusalem during the reign of the wicked king Manasseh around 650 BC. Well before the Babylonian invasion.

And it was removed by priests who saw the king’s desecration of the temple as a sign that the ark needed to be protected and removed. He traced it to Elephantine, then to Tana Kirkos Island in Lake Tana, where local monks have maintained for centuries that the ark has rested there for 800 years before being moved to Axum in the 4th century. His book was widely read, and it was a bestseller, but it was widely dismissed by mainstream scholars. But the underlying Ethiopian tradition it documented is considerably older than the investigation of it.

I also feel like mainstream scholars are always going to refute it, because no one really wants to be wrong. Like, I built my career on this theory, so I’m not about to say that I’ve been screwing it up the whole time.

So the second major theory doesn’t come from legend or national mythology. It comes from an ancient religious text. And unlike the Kebra Nagast, it is written much closer to the events in question. And it’s called the Book of Two Maccabees, written in the 2nd century BC. Roughly 400 years after the Babylonian invasion. It contains an account of what happened to the ark in the days before Jerusalem fell. It describes the prophet Jeremiah receiving a divine warning about the coming Babylonian invasion.

And the text reads the following, and I quote: the prophet, having received an oracle, ordered that the tent and the ark should follow with him. And he went out to the mountain where Moses had gone up and had seen the inheritance of God. Jeremiah came and found a cave dwelling, and he brought there the tent and the ark and the altar of incense, and he sealed the entrance. How do you get it out? Like, he just walks in and gets it? That’s what I’m saying. Like, how do you prove it? Trust me, God told me. I’m a prophet. Let me see the ark. Let me see your most prized possession. I’m going to need to take that with me. Walk out with it.

That’s the wild part. If you heard anybody today say they were a prophet, what would you think? I’d be like, sir, leave my property right now. Get the heck off my property. Like, I’m going to give you 20 seconds. So there are no new prophets. The thing is that we asked far more. When was the last prophet? No, there was one recently. What’s the thing we talked about, the Texas thing, where they burned the place down? Waco. Waco. Yeah. No, but there was more recent. Oh, yeah, women are mine.

I think there was some guy that predicted exactly how COVID would go down or something. Oh, there was that dude, and then something else. No, there was the hantavirus too. He was like, 20-whatever the COVID, and then he’s like, 2026 hantavirus. And he did it, like, in 2017. I mean, is that really a prophet, though? I don’t know. I mean, I guess a prophet is, like, anyone who, but no, I think a prophet is more of a divine communicating. It’s a divine communication. It’s not just predicting a good guess, a legit guess.

I wonder why there’s been no prophets. I think it’s because people don’t, it’s too unbelievable. I mean, if we really think about this, look at the story from a completely non-religious objective viewpoint. It sounds insane. It sounds actually insane. How many people died? And, like, I got a divine, you know, in me, and I can see what’s going to happen. It’s just, and everything, 40 days everywhere. It’s like, I mean, come on. Like, ETH is going to pump. Or the divine prophet. Or is that the anti-prophet? Yeah, he spent 40 days in ETFs, and then he came out.

So in this theory, the mountain in question is Mount Nebo, and it’s the peak in modern-day Jordan from which Moses looked out over the promised land. He was never permitted to enter. It is a real mountain in Jordan. It is about 25 miles east of Jerusalem across the Jordan River. And according to Two Maccabees, the cave’s location was deliberately kept secret. And, I quote, the place shall be unknown until God gathers his people together again and shows his mercy.

So the theory has some things going for it. One is, Jeremiah was alive during the Babylonian invasion. He is the one prophet for whom we have the most detailed contemporary record of that period. He had both the access and the theological motivation to hide the ark before the temple fell. The account in Two Maccabees is not presented as a myth or a legend, but it’s actually read as historical data passed down in writing. And Mount Nebo is a plausible hiding place, remote, sacred, and associated with Moses, and close to Jerusalem, making it a reachable location in a hurry. Way to get out of town.

The thing is, I just hate this idea of, like, why does there have to be a prophet, because there’s no way to confirm or deny whether someone is a quote-unquote prophet. And isn’t the whole point of religion, unless it plays out over and over? You would have to visibly see it now. No, but isn’t the whole point of religion for you to find your own connection to it? Like, isn’t that the point? He’s a prophet? Not necessarily a prophet, but if you believe in something, you should have your own connection to it, your own understanding and your own why.

And also, why is God only talking to, like, 20 dudes in all of history? Like, he’s like, oh, you’re good, I’m going to pick you. Wouldn’t he want to have some sort of connection with all the people that believe in it? That’s what I’m saying. It just seems like it’s too big of a, yeah, but if that were the case, then it would create chaos. Everybody’s just going to panic. No, no, but the thing is, it’s not about, like, oh, spread the word. Even if there’s a dude who’s like, yo, I believe in this, and you’re like, cool, I believe you. But he’s like, no, listen to me, I’m the one telling you exactly how it goes. As opposed to, okay, I’m tracking with what you’re saying, and then I find my own understanding.

It’s like saying, if I read the Bible, I think I would read it differently than you would read it, because I’m a different person. And I would take from it certain things that would be real for me, and then you would take certain things that may not align with what I’m saying. But does that mean I’m right and you’re wrong? No. That’s my point. Like, a prophet’s telling you, this is exactly, God is telling me exactly, whatever you’re thinking is wrong, I am right, listen to me. Like, you’re not God, dude. Why am I listening to you?

So then it plays out, and they get invaded. Yeah. That never happened. They didn’t talk about, what the heck are you talking about? That’s why he moved it. No. Oh, allegedly. But even if he did move it, it doesn’t mean that God intervened. It does, dog. Like, we were like, hey, dude, there’s like 10,000 people over there. He’s out there in the fields. He’s like, oh, God, God told me the coming. They’re like, oh my God, he was right. And he’s like, thank God I was out there.

Or maybe he didn’t even say that God told him, but maybe he had the foresight to go, we should move it because we’re going to be invaded. So he just got laid, legend. Yeah, and then legend just became, wow, he was hella smart. No, but you really think they’re going to let him? They won’t even let you look at it. They’re like, you know what, Steve is right, we should move it. Like, look, get the heck out of here.

So archaeologists have searched the Mount Nebo region. No ark. But the caves of that area are so extensive and so poorly mapped, and the text is explicit that it was sealed. So it’s kind of like, you know, in Egypt the Valley of the Kings, where we go, oh, we’ve searched everything, and then we keep finding stuff. Do you know, like, where’s that, you know, there’s, like, it looks like a massive cave. You’re talking about, yeah, it’s the whole giant theory, like, what if it’s some place like that, where it’s, like, where is this? I don’t remember, I have to look it up. But it’s literally this giant, it looks like a giant sealed cave, but you can’t, there’s no cracks or anything. It’s wild looking. And it’s humongous. Obviously, I think it’s a little big for the ark, but you know.

So in 1981, Tom Crotser, an American explorer, hell yeah, elite, claimed that he found the ark in a tunnel on the slopes of Mount Nebo. He produced photographs. Oh, really? The photos were too blurry to show anything. Classic. It’s the playbook. It’s the goddamn alien playbook. Look, look, check it out. It’s, like, one pixel. No serious archaeologist has verified the claim. That’s Mount Nebo. I love how he said no serious archaeologist, meaning he’s not serious.

Okay, next one. The Copper Scroll. In 1952, archaeologists excavating the caves of Qumran, the site near the Dead Sea where the famous Dead Sea Scrolls were found, had it been discovered 5 years earlier, and so then they kept searching. It was not written on parchment or papyrus. It was written on copper. Cool. Two rolls of thin copper sheet beaten with text, totaling 12 columns of writing.

The Copper Scroll is one of the strangest documents ever discovered. While the other Dead Sea Scrolls contained religious texts, biblical commentary, and community rules, the Copper Scroll read like an inventory list. Ooh. It had a list of 64 locations with descriptions of what was hidden at each one. Oh, damn. This is, like, legendary. I wish I would have found that. Gold, silver, offerings, sacred vessels. The total value of the treasures that were described in the Copper Scroll, if the quantities were taken literally, would be billions of dollars.

Where are these Copper Scrolls at? I’m going to take a little look for myself. Some scholars believe the quantities are so enormous that the document must be fake. Let’s find out for ourselves. Let’s take a little trip. Others believe it is exactly what it appears to be, a real treasure map compiled by priests who hid the temple’s contents before the Babylonian invasion. I mean, that sounds legit. That sounds like some stuff that some priests would do. Hell.

So in the list, the Ark of the Covenant is not named directly. Like the code name. Yeah. But researchers, including Vendyl Jones, who was a Texas-born explorer, spent 30 years studying the scrolls, and who was incidentally one of the inspirations for Indiana Jones, claimed to have decoded the scroll’s location system. Both believe the ark is among the treasures that were described. Jones believed the ark was hidden in, quote, a cave with two columns near the river of the dome somewhere in the Judean wilderness near the Dead Sea, and they name it. They were, like, really legit, boxed it.

The complication is political as much as archaeological. The Qumran area sits in the West Bank. Excavations there require navigating the competing claims of the Israeli government. So no wonder. We were just talking about that. Like, what if that’s why there’s the war? They’re like, we want it. The caves are numerous and only partially explored. After all these years. Yep.

The Copper Scroll has never been fully explained. The treasures it describes have never been found. The argument that it is a fictional document runs into one problem. Why would anyone go to the trouble and expense of engraving fiction into a copper parchment? Yeah, it seems a lot of copper, you know. But on the other side of it, for example, you write down a list of stuff that’s buried in Jorge’s house. You can make it up. And then, dot. I mean, just to mess with people, I guess. Trolling.

Imagine being, like, the original troll. Like, this is before X. So they’re like, check me out. Dude, I’m going to leave you guys in the most messed-up wild goose chase I’ve ever. Eric’s like, 27 paces from the last, in the steamy mountains of Half Dome in your twig. I know. That twig. My vast fortune of 72 dollars will be hidden there. I mean, that’s the theory, right? So none of it on this list was ever found. No, none of it. Perfect.

Well, also, it’s like, I always think it’s funny with these, it’s like, they’re deciphered, but what if it’s, like, just completely inaccurate? Yeah, I know. 100 percent. They just want to be the dude that deciphered that. Of course. Like, really, what it really says is, the guy’s like, I ran out of paper, had to use copper. I’m trying to write my wife. Like, I promise I’ll be home before dinner. I swear, this took me 40 days to write. Yeah, the movie’s running long, I’m a little late, don’t be pissed.

Okay, the next one, and this is the simplest theory. The ark never left Jerusalem. It’s just still there, just, like, hidden in a, the Temple Mount, the elevated platform. Well, the elevated platform in the heart of Jerusalem’s old city, upon which Solomon’s temple once stood, and upon which the Dome of the Rock now stands, is riddled with underground chambers, tunnels, and different things that have never been fully explored. It’s built on bedrock, and the bedrock has been carved and excavated for 3,000 years with construction on top, destruction, construction.

You know, that’s what I mean. Seems more legit. It’s probably just, like, it’s probably literally just in shambles over the millennia. That’s right. So that’s the other theory, which is, it never left. It’s just part of the rubble, and it was just put into a room and forgotten about, probably. They were invaded. Probably when, before they got invaded. And then, yeah, not forgotten, but, like, crushed or something. Yeah, there’s a cave-in. It’s like, boom. It’s like, you’ll never find it.

Israeli archaeologist Leen Ritmeyer spent years mapping the Holy of Holies and identified what he believes is the most plausible location for the ark’s original resting place. A section of exposed bedrock in the precise center of the Dome of the Rock, cut into a rectangular depression that matches the dimensions of the ark as described in Exodus. If the ark is buried anywhere beneath the Temple Mount, Ritmeyer believes that’s the spot, directly below it.

Okay. Yeah. I mean, that’s possible. I’m for that. That sounds about right. I mean, I think it’s the most likely place is the last place we knew it was. Right in front of our eyes. I know. You know how long, like, I lost my keys, and they were, like, legit, directly where I thought they were. Spent 35 minutes screaming, and they’re literally right there.

A couple outlier theories. Vatican City. I mean, who knows what’s there. Okay, the Vatican theory holds that the ark was carried to Rome either by the forces of Titus, who destroyed the second temple in 70 AD and took its treasures back to Rome, or later by the Knights Templar, who supposedly excavated beneath the Temple Mount during the Crusades and smuggled what they found back to Europe.

I mean, that makes sense, because the Knights Templar are, like, all about the Temple of Solomon. They’re, like, super hardcore psychos about that. That would make sense to me. If they were like, ooh, we found it, let’s hide that. The Vatican. But nobody gets hurt moving it, touching it, looking at it. I don’t think it has supernatural powers. That’s how we started. I think it’s just a box. It’s a box. Maybe it doesn’t. What do you mean, maybe it doesn’t? Unless it’s an alien artifact. Indie didn’t think it, if it wasn’t, and look how that turned out. He survived.

So the Vatican, the theory goes, has the ark in its vault. I’m for that. That’s very plausible. But again, they’re never going to claim that it’s true. They’re never going to say it’s real. Maybe Tom Hanks will get another swing at it. Then there’s the Ireland theory. An old Irish tradition holds that the biblical prophet Jeremiah, yes, the same one from the Mount Nebo theory, did not go to Jordan. He went to Ireland, accompanied by an Egyptian princess, bringing with him the ark, which is now buried somewhere beneath the Hill of Tara in County Meath, the ancient seat of the Irish High Kings.

This tradition, which is largely connected to the British Israelism movement of the 19th century, has no credible historical basis. Archaeologists even excavated Tara. They found Iron Age earthworks, but they did not find the Ark of the Covenant. Yeah, I don’t know if I like that theory. I don’t believe it.

So then we come to Nazis. Oh, classic. There we go. Classic Nazis. I’m already interested. So Indiana Jones is not entirely fiction. The villains searching for the Ark of the Covenant were based on a real organization. And the real version was, if anything, stranger than anything Steven Spielberg put on the screen. To understand it, you have to understand Heinrich Himmler, not Hitler. Himmler.

Hitler’s obsession with the occult is well documented, but Himmler’s went deeper and weirder. He was the head of the SS, practiced the most feared paramilitary force in the world. And he ran it less like a military organization and more like a religious order. The SS castle headquarters at Wewelsburg in Germany hosted initiation rituals for 12 senior knights modeled explicitly on Arthurian legend. Himmler employed physicists and astrologers to plan military operations. He believed in the magical power of ancient Norse runes. The Ahnenerbe logo was designed in rune-style lettering.

He once wrote in an official letter to his own research division that Thor’s hammer, Mjolnir, was an early, highly developed war weapon of our forefathers. He wanted to reanimate dead Germanic warriors. He found coffins of famous ancient soldiers and had them stored in a mine, with plans to bring them to life at the end of the war when he found the technology. Cool. This guy was, like, out there. And keep in mind, he was the second in command. Oh yeah. Of a full thing.

So in 1935, Himmler formalizes his obsessions into an actual government institution called the Ahnenerbe, which translates as ancestral heritage, or more literally, something inherited from the forefathers. Its stated mission was to use archaeology and science to prove the racial superiority of the Aryan people. There you go, classic. Its actual activities included expeditions to Tibet looking for the original Aryan homeland and to find telepathic giants. What the heck. Research into witchcraft, magic, psychic warfare, and the hunt for supernatural relics across three continents.

He got super into the occult. Like, super into it. And so one of the things that he was searching for was the Holy Grail. Yeah, the Holy Grail for sure. And then we’ll do an EP, oh, for, yeah, 100 percent. We’ll do it on a watch. A little watch, too. Such a good movie. God damn it.

Okay, in the 1930s, as Mussolini’s Italy, allied with Nazi Germany, invaded and occupied Ethiopia, Italian and German researchers traveled to Axum. They had a specific interest in the Church of Our Lady Mary of Zion. Yeah, they were like, the church, excuse me, Mr. Monk, move your ass or you’re going to get shot. And they wanted to know what was being guarded.

The occupation of Ethiopia gave them physical access to the sites that would otherwise have been impenetrable. Whether any of them came close to the chapel’s inner sanctum is unknown, but no discovery was announced. Okay, I mean, obviously they wouldn’t announce it if they found something. Yeah. The Ethiopian church never said that there was a breach, never said that they let them in. And then by that time, Nazi Germany was conquered. Or defeated.

I mean, I don’t know, if you sent Mussolini and Hitler, weren’t guys to take no for an answer. When they sent homies there, you really think they’d be like, you know what, okay, we won’t come in? They’re also in Ethiopia, so they think they’re automatically superior to them anyways. They wouldn’t be like, okay, yeah, your customs, totally. They would have shot everybody with MP40s.

So a lot of the stories that we see today, Hollywood, books, movies, etc., show Nazis, of course, they’re the bad guys. But it also shows them searching for these extra weapons. It’s interesting how they’re always searching for them. And it’s interesting how it’s kind of widely accepted and believed that they were very into this occult, like trying to find this ulterior power. And even, you remember we did Antarctica. Yeah, exactly. Bases on Antarctica, super weapons.

Do we think they were on to something? Like, why would they devote so much manpower to it? Like, do you think that maybe they had an artifact or something? I don’t think so. I think they’re just the bad guy of all time. They’re the bad guy of all time. The ultimate bad guy. Like, it’s a very black-and-white of what a bad guy is. You know, and so we think they were up to nefarious things.

So what the entire Nazi chapter in this story illustrates is something the whole 2,600-year history of the search confirms. The most powerful people in the world across every era have believed that the ark is real, and findable, and is tangible. Pharaohs wanted it. Babylonian kings may have tried to take it. The crusaders may have dug for it. And in the 20th century, the most militarized regime in modern history sent actual expeditions with government funding, SS uniforms, and the full resources of war to find it. None of them apparently found it. The ark, whatever it is, wherever it is, has disappeared into history.

And here we are going, what? What the heck? What happened to it? What is it? It disappeared. It’s gone. Do you think that maybe there’s less of a fascination with it because, with modern technology, the feats and the tech has gone further? The tech is so much beyond, it’s so far beyond it that it’s like, very good point. There’s no, who cares anymore. They’re like, we can bring down a wall, and now we could literally destroy Earth.

Like, if we really wanted to, the planet’s gone. We can 3D print an entire table in, like, six minutes. You can 3D print a house. Like, the capabilities and things that would have been actually unbelievable. It’s like, we have rockets that can go into space and then land themselves back on Earth. Maybe we’ve surpassed it. We’ve surpassed the lore. Like, the lore is no longer appetizing enough to even consider. Good point.

So there you go. So here are my questions about the Ark of the Covenant. One, did it exist? Two, let’s just start with the first. Okay. Did it exist? Yes. Okay, Jorge is going for yes. The box, right? Yeah, we’re just saying the box. The existence of an ark. Yeah, exactly. 100. Not, like, with the commandments in it. Sure. I think that there was a, I like Sean’s theory that, or was it you, that Moses was the one that came up with it?

Well, no, I was just saying, like, maybe he didn’t speak to God. Maybe he just, yeah, he just had, like, he was like, this would be good for the people. This is how community should act. Don’t covet your wife, my wife. Don’t covet another man’s wife. Obviously covet your wife. Take my wife. Covet your own wife, but don’t covet other wives. Wait, what is it? Do not, it’s like, do not covet thy neighbor’s wife. Thy neighbor’s wife. There you go. What if it’s, like, not your neighbor, though? Open for interpretation.

No, I think that there was, obviously religions like to put a lot of emphasis on certain things that are special. So were there Ten Commandments in this box? I don’t know. Was there a thing that they called the ark that they thought was really special and that had significance to them? 100 percent. Yeah, but so there was nothing in the box. I don’t know. Well, look, if you look at the definition of ark that we pulled up in the beginning of the episode, homies put a thing, put the Torah and stuff in there. So maybe they were just putting important stuff that was important to them in it. Doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the Ten Commandments from God off the mountaintop. It might have been the Ten Commandments from Moses.

No, but imagine this. Okay, look, there’s so many dudes. Homie comes down, he’s like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you’re, like, in the back, you don’t know what’s going on. And then there’s just this box, and the guys are telling you this is super important. Don’t look at it, don’t touch it, don’t open it, you’ll die. Everyone who tries to touch it dies. You can create this stigma about it. No one knows. You can’t open it, you can’t touch it. How do you know what’s in it? True. Like, only Moses does. He’s the only one who knows. Well, and the other guy. Oh, yeah. What the heck’s his name? Brad. Brad. Steve. Keith.

Okay, so you’re saying that the box was real. There was a box that they had specific significance on. Whether or not there were divine objects inside is a, I don’t know. I think there was a box. Okay. Yeah, I agree. And I also kind of agree with Eric, the Ten Commandments, where they transcribed on stone by God or by Moses. Maybe Moses spoke to God. Moses is like, don’t come up here, don’t you come up here, I’ll be right back. Like, took him 40 days. So we’re all on the same page. We believe the box existed. Yeah. Correct.

Okay, so then powers. So first question is, why did it just kill everybody? No, but it wasn’t just killing everyone. It was just, like, randomly killing people. Yeah, but, like, why? Yeah, true, it was pretty random. But I think you’re talking about the 70 people. Yeah. And even in Indiana Jones, you open it and everybody’s melting, and, like, why? No, but it wasn’t even just killing people. It was, like, randomly. And the Nazis were searching for it for a weapon.

These people open it, they die. Other people, totally fine, not a non-issue. You take it to war, you win. You lose the war, they take it, no problem. Even though you’re not supposed to. You’re not supposed to move it. Not supposed to. But they did. I’m saying, like, when the people who don’t, or the quote-unquote pagans, take it, God doesn’t smite the pagans down. He doesn’t give a, like, they’re cool. Also, everything that we went over, by that time there were no powers. It was only the first, like, 400 years. And then all of a sudden the powers are gone, and now it’s just a box, an important box.

I don’t know. I mean, Sean kind of touched on something, maybe he was joking, but the powers, were they some sort of energy, alien tech? Well, I know you won’t believe it, Eric. He’s not talking to you. So check it out, Moses up on the mountain, there’s this, like, well, we don’t know, he was up there by himself, first of all. There was this, like, storm up there. Smoke. Smoke. And the smoke’s talking to you. Smoke, dude. Imagine.

Okay, bro, imagine, Eric, you’re a non-believer, right? You’re a non-believer in aliens, except for four times. So imagine if you’re back in the day, and let’s say there’s a storm, gets wild. There’s, not even the storm, let’s say there’s an alien comes down, or some stuff that you can’t explain, you can’t comprehend. It’s so out of your, like, you don’t even know that things can fly other than birds. True. And then some stuff happens. What is your first thing you think of? God. God. Yeah. Has to be God. I could see that. It has to be God.

So sometimes I’ve seen, especially in Florida, I’ve been out kayaking, and there is a cloud. Oh, it’s like, it looks like the darkness of all dark, massive, massive black. And if you’re on a kayak, you’re done. Yeah, no, and I can understand. I can’t make it back. And I can understand, you go, wow, that is some sort of. And then what if it, like, comes, like you’re up high, but now imagine you’re up higher, right? Not in the water. You’re on a mountain. I don’t know how tall this mountain is, but the cloud comes down. And all you got is your manna.

So he just got the idea for the Ten Commandments, and he was like, oh, well, all of this is going on, and it must be a sign from, well, maybe somebody above. Or either that, or it’s like, you know, homie’s sleep, water, and food deprived. And, you know, like, for example, the Indians used to sweat themselves out, and they’d have visions and stuff. Like, who’s to say homie’s not up there, he’s like, I’m going to wait, and then he has a vision, and he’s like, cut some stone out, my guy. And, like, make some stuff happen. And he’s like, oh my God, fuck, hell yeah.

Yeah, but the question was powers. So in the box, I’m just trying to explain it all. No, no, and I get the formation of the explanation, right? Like, I dig that, actually. I really do. It sounds logical, actually. For sure. The box, though, because legend has perpetuated that there was powers attached to the opening of the box. Is that, no, but see, Jorge made a good point, that the powers stopped after a time. After a certain time there’s no more power. Everybody stopped writing about it.

Or if, like, what if homie just, like, took the power, and it was like, I’m going to go over here now, you can have the box. Nobody’s going to have a lookie. Nobody. I mean, do you tell me, like, out of millions, there’s no heretics who want to come take a look? Like, trust me, there’s some guy who’s going to be like, I wonder. Yeah, that’s funny. He’s like the janitor. He’s like, screw these guys, I’m going to open this thing up. I can’t get paid enough for this, I’m looking. You know, the strange part is, like, I get the grail. Like, I get the Holy Grail. Right. Like, everlasting life. I would not want to live forever. But why do you want the ark?

Well, at the beginning, because of the powers. War capability, baby. Hundreds of years later, it’s the significance of it, the, you know what it represents. Eric, how much did homie pay for the Shawshank that, that thing had? I think it was three mill. Yeah. So you mean to tell me, if homie’s willing to pay that for that, they’re willing to pay trillions for the ark. I see. So later on it became more of a, it’s more significance. It’s not a power thing. No, you’re looking for a connection. You’re looking for a connection to your faith. And what’s the greatest possible connection to your faith you can get? A supposed divine object. It’s like a divine object, of course you want it. Why wouldn’t you want it, if you believe in it?

This is even before the Holy Grail. That’s right. So it’s like, yeah, because the Holy Grail was Jesus’s thing. All right, so where do you rank them? Holy Grail and then ark. Ark. No. Ark’s above. I think Holy Grail, bro. Holy Grail right above. Because I believe that Jesus was a real dude. For sure. And I think that, to me, it’s much more believable that there was a single dude who could have had that effect on everything.

I believe that there’s one entity, like a person that maybe was either divine or whatever, not from this planet, and was doing stuff that people could not fathom, as opposed to an inanimate object that’s causing calamities and indiscriminately killing people who believe in it. Yeah. I just rank it because of the timeline. Okay. Understood. Before. That makes sense. I like that. But as far as, you know, I’m thinking believability. I’m thinking, like, power, like, in terms of the power, the power believability. Yeah, then I would go with you. But in terms of, like, more ancient and significant. More significant. Like, so long, for forever these guys have been trying to get this.

Okay, so then last question is, where is it? Where is it? That’s a toughy. Is it gone? It could be gone. I think Jorge had the best explanation. No, was it? No, it was you, Eric. It was you. You were like, it’s just still there, and it just, like, crumbled, because it’s made out of wood. Yeah, it’s covered in gold, but it’s still made of wood. So it probably just deteriorated, like, a box. Just a box. Yeah, just, like, the box turned to dust. Yeah, not even a box anymore, it’s just crushed. It’s just crushed, just down there.

So you don’t subscribe to the Ethiopia church. I don’t subscribe to that one. No. Dude, can you imagine? There’s no way. Behind it for a thousand years, somebody’s been guarding it for a thousand years. Poor guy. And this is your entire life is for nothing. But generations, not even just him. These poor guys. I know. There’s no way they could have gotten it. So it’s a replica at Ethiopia, in the church. Yeah, dude. I’m just saying, who can hide it? No, it’s just, who can make a box that could survive 20 wars, infinite transport, that was hammered together by some cobbler slaves? Like, I mean, come on, it’s not that good.

That’s the best box we’ve ever made? Dude, they’re not that good a craftsman, I’m sorry. They can’t do it. Just a box for 200 years. Look at the pyramids, the pyramids are made of granite, and those are in shambles, like, bro. So you’re saying it is gone. Yeah, it’s gone. It’s gone. It just, welcome to Earth, it just, it’s a fugazi, fugazi. It’s fairy dust. No, I think that’s true, because I just don’t think it lasts that long. Even if it’s, like, well, the gold would, right, if it was all gold. Yeah, but it would just crumble down. But it’s gold-plated. It was made of wood. No, the top was all gold. The top was solid gold. So, yeah, the top is probably somewhere. Was it called the Mercy Seat? The Mercy Seat. Yeah.

I think the top is probably somewhere buried, but the rest of it, or it was raided. You know what I mean? All the pharaoh’s tombs are gone. No. Oh, also, no. We talked about Nebuchadnezzar, right? He recorded everything. You tell me his entire army was above board, and they’re like, oh, we got to bring it to Nebber. Oh, yeah. They melted it down. They just melted it. They were like, chip that gold off that acacia right now. Hey, I got a fire going, just melt that down. You take 50, I take 50, we good. Like, we good.

All right, I like it. I agree. I think it’s gone. Yeah, it’s gone. It’s 100 percent gone. And it was a box, a chalice, an ark, everyone, but it’s gone. And I think it was just the horribleness of man, the greed, right? The pillagers. I go back to the Valley of the Kings. They literally desecrated the tombs to take the gold out. Oh, for sure, easy. So why would they not do the same? For a box of gold. Yeah, 100 percent.

It also, it’s just, like, I just can’t get behind God being that fickle. Like, you’re really going to just, where you open a box and everybody dies. No, it’s just too petty for, like, the supreme being to be this petty. It’s almost asinine to put God in this little shitty, like, spoiled-kid box. Oh, you going to touch me? You’re dead. It’s too petty. It’s so petty. It’s like, I just can’t comprehend the creator of life being that. I just can’t. It’s so unrealistic. It’s so unrealistic for him to be like, oh, this woman’s gonna come near me, she’s infertile. Like, why would you do that? It’s so unnecessary.

It actually makes sense. I do believe that it was passed down, and these stories do exist for a reason. For sure. But I do believe that at some point, when it disappeared, somebody melted it out. Oh, for, dude. I mean, took it. They used to think that the pharaohs were gods. And that didn’t have any effect on them raiding their tombs. It was very shortly after. It wasn’t even, like, it was, like, two years. They’re like, fuck them.

I mean, dude, survival is a crazy stimulant. If you’re going to die unless you get cash, you’ll do some sketch stuff that maybe is against your morals, but you’re like, I got to survive. And not even survival, just money. People do weird things. Well, yeah, people have done far worse for money. Like, far worse.

Well, there you go, guys. That is the Ark of the Covenant. We’re going to do a Holy Grail one as well, because I love the story. Such a cool story, right? And we’re going to have to watch that movie. A little watch party. Covet him. A penitent man, penitent before God. Penitent man. Penitent man.

No. Did you see that it was with, oh my God, what’s his name? He was in the office. Krasinski. Yeah, John Krasinski. So it was, like, a treasure-hunter movie. Oh, I never saw that. It was actually good. Was it, like, an Apple or something? Apple TV or something? It might be. Me and the wife watched it. It was actually good. And it was about him, then they found the Holy Grail. The Holy Grail? Really? Why have I not seen this? Wait, don’t spoil it. But was it, is it like a twist? No, you don’t. Is it a cup? No, it’s not a cup. It’s not a cup. It’s not a cup.

Well, I mean, the Da Vinci Code is twisted as well. The Holy Grail is actually a woman, and it’s the bloodline. Yeah, the Holy Grail is a bloodline of Jesus. So, you see, it’s like a twisty. It is the Holy Grail. It’s not a twist, it’s just not a cup. Okay. It’s not a cup. Yeah. Also, in Indiana Jones, it’s the cup of a carpenter. Yeah, because Jesus is a carpenter. Not the, you know, you have chosen wisely.

I know. And I also love how this guy is literally immortal, but he’s so weak. He tries to swing the sword, he’s like, he pulls over. Yeah. I love that movie. I’m going to watch that. Like, this poor guy. I’m like, why are you still wearing the chain mail, dog? Take that chain mail off. It’s, like, thousands of years, take that off. You have chosen wisely. So good. I love the special effects of the guy’s like, you have chosen poorly. God, that chick is so hot, though. She’s still around. I mean, she’s probably ancient. What’s up, dude? I mean, not me, but, you know, you guys. She’s probably in her 80s, bro. No, look how old Harrison Ford is. Hold on. She wasn’t that much younger than him. True. Harrison Ford is a fossil, bro. She’s hot enough. Eric’s like, I still want to know.